I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
