It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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