I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
ttyl tear gas
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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