Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
