P.S. I can't hear my feet
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
