i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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