sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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