i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
