great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
