508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize