Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Randomize
