I hate your face
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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