I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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