Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
