I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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