Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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