"it" just moved
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
