just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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