so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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