Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
