OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
