thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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