I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
