Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
