in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
