she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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