You're so nebulous sometimes
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
