i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
