Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
