I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
