you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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