Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
