New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
