btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
