I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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