Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
