covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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