I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Ladies don't puke and tell
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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