i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
