If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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