I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
