I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
