I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
