Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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