God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize