i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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