Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
