saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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