Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
