We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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