Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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