My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
