actually, I'm a sock model
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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