Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
