mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
