Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
