Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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