Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
