she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
