I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
