apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
