I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
