...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
