haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Who died my cat blue again?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
