Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
