Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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