hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
