are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
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