saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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