i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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