Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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