i just wanna soil my oats bro
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
