FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
