I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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