At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
