I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
