Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
third nipple confirmed
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
