i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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