does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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