Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
im calling her cock vulture from now on
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
