well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
