Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
