Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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