I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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