Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
