is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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