You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
