Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Dignity is for republicans.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
