Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
