so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
