that's an acceptable place to lick
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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