he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
