I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
