I would go down on you faster than GM stock
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
