god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
