butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
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