you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We smell like vodka and hangover
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