All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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