i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
