I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
