I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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