What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
