4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
