You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Who put my cat in the fridge?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
