Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Randomize