Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
