he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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