going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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