ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
