If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
